commandment #6 – lighten up
lighten up. lighten up. lighten up. ohhh soooo much easier said than done for me. this is something i’ve struggled with for as long as i can remember. it also might be the hardest commandment for me to stick to!
i get so tense sometimes that i’ve actually hurt the people i’m closest to. it’s really sad to think about. i can think back to a time when i was only like twelve years old and got so worked up over NOTHING that my best friend had to leave my house. it wouldn’t have been so bad if this was a one time occurance… but it happens a little too often.
i’m not sure how i’ve been lucky enough to still have that same bff.
my best friend and i still look back on those times. he calls them my “moody teenager years.” he’s also been known to refer to those days as “amanda’s soccer clothes years.” i guess i was a little bit of a tom boy at the time 😉 that period didn’t last too long. most of the time we laugh at the thought of it because i’ve grown up a lot since then…
however — just last week i had another one of those crazy freak outs when he was at my house. there weren’t many words involved. but my actions definitely speak louder than words. i couldn’t even tell you what snapped inside my head.
we had spent that afternoon watching “the human experience” documentary (which was amazing, by the way!) the film put a lot of thoughts into my head and i think all of them combined made me anxious or something. which is when i got in the “mood.”
the next day i had to apologize to him. and of course he forgave me. because he understands that i didn’t mean it. i would never intentionally hurt him.
if only i could learn how to lighten up.
i believe it’s my insecurities that build up and cause these problems.
i do believe it’s something i can work on and practice. i need to change my way of thinking from negative to positive.
i have to admit, i’ve become less tense over the years. but it still comes back to haunt me every so often.
maybe what i need to do is warn whoever is around me BEFORE i get worked up. because i can deal with the freak out, but i don’t want to keep hurting my loved ones. it’s embarrassing. a 22 year old shouldn’t be acting this way.
now i’m not saying that i have a temper tantrum or anything. i don’t get on the ground and kick my legs up in the air screaming and crying. i just simply: shut down. i stop talking and my body gets tense.
i’m anxious to get started on tackling this commandment.
it’s going to be tough. yes. but changes will happen.
how, you ask, am i ever going to tackle this? i don’t know yet.
i’m going to start small, because that’s all i can do. and i will take it from there.
how do YOU think i should start?! any ideas? anything at all?
i will end this post with a quick update of my (amazing) weekend! —
friday night i was lucky enough to spend the evening with my INCREDIBLE friend, becky. it was wonderful to say the least. this girl is just… the greatest. we had the best conversation and we were able to talk about EVERYTHING. i’m so blessed to have becky in my life. we grew up in the same town and didn’t know each other until this year so it was funny to compare our experiences! so many similarities! this girl is definitely going to be a lifelong friend! LOVE!
saturday i hung out with brittany & alyssa! T4L, yes! brittany surprised us and came home from new york for the weekend. it was just an added bonus to an already wonderful weekend! we spent the day shopping. i don’t think i’d ever laughed that much! it was a mix of being over-tired and having too many sour patch kids. so delish.
sunday was easter. i went to church and then the family came over for brunch. it was low-key, but i loved spending time with my favorite cousins 🙂