a lot has happened in the past couple days… i began my new healthy lifestyle by completely switching up my diet and by exercising 6-7 days a week for 3 hours at a time.
i was on top of the world for a few days.
then i got my medical testing results from when i was in california.
it basically just told me that my life WILL be cut very short if i don’t start making the proper changes in my life. it was so hard for me to read. it made everything a little too real. i knew i was overweight, but i had no idea that i was THAT unhealthy.
it was a wake up call for sure.
i’m choosing to use that information as MOTIVATION to work harder. i have to. i have no other choice. i don’t want to die at such an early age because of something i had the power to change. i kind of thought i was invincible until i read that number on the page.
all of these medical results got me thinking… a 22 year old shouldn’t have to worry about this kind of stuff. it doesn’t seem fair.
but it is fair.
i got myself into this situation and now i need to get myself out of it.
i can blame my weight gain on being bullied all i want. but at the end of the day, I am the one who put the food in my mouth. yes, those girls hurt me in so many ways to the point where i felt like i was useless… so i would eat to heal the pain. but what good did that do? none. it caused a bigger problem. one that i need to get out of. now. before it’s too late.
lately i’ve been having the problem with feeling that my friends have NO idea what i go through on a daily basis with being overweight.
being 22 years old and overweight in a world that focuses so much on outward appearance is hard for anyone to understand if you aren’t experiencing it.
do you want to know what it’s like?
a 22 year old shouldn’t wake up and have to fake a smile when they look in the mirror: i can’t look at my body. i refuse. i chose to only look at above the neck.
you should know that i have so much extra weight that getting out of bed in itself is a struggle for me on most days. i have to force myself out.
i shouldn’t have to worry about my shirt somehow riding up and people seeing my stomach.
you should know that before i sit on some kind of exercise ball, i have to check the weight limit so that i know it won’t pop when i get on it.
every single time i sit on a chair, i worry about breaking it.
when i was in high school, my french classroom had bench seating instead of chairs and i couldn’t fit in the row so i had to sit in the back where i was able to have room.
you should know that i had to skip an entire weeks worth of classes because we were learning how to do blood pressure and i didn’t want any of my classmates to know that my BP might be high.
i also had to skip that class when we were learning how to measure body fat percentages with skin fold calipers because there was no way i was showing my stomach to my peers.
a 22 year old shouldn’t worry about wearing shorts/skirts/dresses for long periods of time: but i do. because my legs will start rubbing together and will start to bleed.
a person should be able to walk from one building to another without being “moo’ed” at.
when i’m on an airplane, i worry that people will sigh when they see that they have to sit next to me, a big girl, on a long flight.
a 22 year old shouldn’t worry about wearing tank tops when its 90 degrees outside. but i do. because i don’t want people to stare at my arms.
you should know that i worry about people seeing the tags inside my clothes and judging me for what size i am.
it hurts knowing that i can’t shop where all my friends shop. j.crew is my favorite store and i can’t even fit into their bottoms. only their tops (and only a select few.)
you should know that when i’m in forever 21 with my friends, i just pretend to try clothes on so that i’m not left out. i know the clothes won’t fit. so i just stand in the dressing room and pretend that i just “didn’t like” what i was trying on.
i could go on for days with this list. that’s why i’m changing my life… so that i’ll never have these struggles ever again. it actually felt good to get those written. i’ve never expressed those feelings before… and i hope everyone will now be able to understand where i’m coming from.
everyday is tough.
losing weight is hard work. it might be the hardest thing i’ll ever have to face.
but i’m ready.