this has been a life changing week for me. it feels so strange to be writing in my blog… it’s been so long since i last put my thoughts into words. i think i’ve missed it. a lot of people have recently told me that i should start it up again. so, here i am!
like i said, this has been a life changing week.
i did things i never thought possible!
- i took a spinning class at my gym.
- i went to yoga all by myself.
- i tried a new yoga studio.
- i took a bootcamp class at my gym.
- i tried brussels sprouts.
- i started keeping a private journal.
- i bought a bikini.
some of these things were harder than the others. before my first bootcamp, i was scared to death. it took me a couple weeks to work up the confidence to go. but on friday night, i went. i conquered. i LOVED every minute of it! and the best part? i went alone. and i made friends! amazing, right? and i’m going again tonight.
i think the biggest thing this week was the purchase of my bikini. why? that shouldn’t be such a big deal, right?
it happened yesterday when i was early for a coffee date and decided to run into target to waste some time and pick up a few things i needed. right when you walk in the store, there is a huge display of bathing suits. and there was a big sale going on. at first, i looked at them from a distance.
i wanted to get closer to the display of beautiful tops & bottoms… but my nerves were pulling me the other way.
there were so many people around. the voices in my head were saying – “there is NO way you can go look at those. you’re a big girl and people are going to judge you!!!!”
on the other hand, my heart was saying something completely different – “amanda, you are ridiculous! you have EVERY right to look at those bikinis!! you’ve worked hard! you deserve it!”
so i followed THAT part of my heart and went over to the bikini display. no one starred. no one laughed or made any weird faces at me.
i was worried for nothing! then, i took it one step closer and TRIED ONE ON.
to my surprise, i didn’t absolutely hate what i saw. it wasn’t even the biggest one in the store!!!!
then… the fears came back again when i decided that i wanted to buy it. i wanted to buy it so so so badly but the thought of walking through target with a bikini in my hand was S-C-A-R-Y!
i quickly picked up a box of special k cereal that i was going to buy so i could cover the other items in my hands (the bikini) then… to my surprise… the voice in my head came back and was like:
“AMANDA!!! who cares what other people think?!?! yes, you’re a little bit bigger than other people wearing bikinis, but IT’S OKAY!!!! you have lost 75 pounds and DESERVE to show it with PRIDE!!!!!”
so, i bought it. and i am going to rock it.
people of EVERY shape and size deserve to feel beautiful. beauty comes from WITHIN and we ALL need to realize this. we need to be PROUD of who we are. sure, i’m not at my goal weight yet… but that doesn’t mean i can’t love myself with where i am currently.
accept everything about yourself. you are YOU. no apologies. no regrets. love yourself more. no hiding. beauty is everywhere.